Hey, Fat @#$%, Day 13

Day 13.  No DTs.  Think I'm pretty much done feeling like the white version of this guy:

 

"Is this how I hold it?"

So to recap - no booze, eating out or crap food since January 2nd.  My evenings are going by at a snail's pace.  Kitty and I actually have been talking, not just asking each other to get the other one another beer.

I've had time to catch up with Bon Jovi, draw pickles, and watch random YouTube videos with my kids.

 

I made it to 1:06 and then threw my kids outside in the cold for making me watch The Worst Rap Song Ever Made.  Danny seems a little down in the dumps.  I have no idea of his fate.  The comments section leads me to believe he went to a different school or something.

 

I am planning to revise my first day back on the sauce from January 32nd to January 31st.  This is because:

1. January 31st is actually 30 days, kind of, since I won't start drinking until like 6:30pm
2. January 32nd is not even on my calendar
3. February 1st is, but it's a Sunday.  30 Days off beer then one hard day on should leave me looking like so, the next day:

 

"I think I can smell myself"

I don't know what a hungover pickle with beer and puke breath feels like, but I am sure my cube-neighbors don't want it anywhere in the range olfactory receptors.

Stay Not Hungover
J McGoodbye-to-the-peoples

 

Where is Bon Jovi This Week?

Makin' sweatpants...that's where!

Jovi sweats!  Need somes!

JBJ is still on hiatus from touring because he is 65 or something.  However, you can still purchase his $59.99 picture book, WORK, and look at 208 pages of Jon looking at Jon...

I'm awesome

But since all decent Bon Jovi fans have already taken the last few months to read his 208 page picture book, most will be in need of some of those rhinestone-encrusted Bon Jovi sweats.

"Richie...what do our fans love?"

"Sweatpants and Marlboro Lights?"

"Yes!  Exactly!  You are so smart.  I knew there was a reason I let you hang with me.  We'll make sweatpants made out of cigarettes!  And when you take them off at night, you can smoke them."

"I don't think the attorneys will let you do that, Your Rockness." [That's probably what he makes everyone call him]

"Man!  OK...what's just as classy as light cigarettes, but is legal?"

"The Bedazzler?"

And that is how JBJ and Richie S came up with the Rhinestone BON JOVI leg thingy...probably.  They then shipped the design to Bangladesh where some 11 year old boy thinks he is bedazzling sweatpants for a Danish/Italian king.

"I love you, King Jovi!"

"I love you too, Pepsi."

Whooaaa, we're halfway there...
J McSweatpants

The Anti-Jonadan Slogan

Beer and Pringles

I was gonna go to work today but I emailed this to my boss instead.

 

"Hey - work doesn't make me happy.  This sign says I don't have to do it if it doesn't make me happy."

 

Additionally, it snowed overnight here.  I asked Kitty, "Does shoveling the driveway make you happy?"

 

"@#$% no," she replied.

 

"Then this dumb sign says you should let it develop into a rutted ice patch."

 

But falling on ice doesn't make me happy.  Maybe we should just shovel, pretend we are happy because falling and getting surgery on my broken wrist really doesn't make me happy.

 

I nominate this sign for Dumbest Sign Ever With Fewest Words

 

Be happy, or don't be happy

J McSunshine