The #Momtag Epidemic

I hate hashtags.  Hold on, I like hashtags.  #torn

Corporate peeps use the hashtag as a promotional tool:  GoBlue, Oscars, Money.  Young kids use it for comedy: sochifail, epicfail, everythingfail.  Activists use it to scare the shit out of older people: anarchy, taketheirwealth, revolutionfrommomsbasement.

[Editor's note:  use of real hashtags on the above would probably get my house blown up or have my soc number all over the internets.]

There's a new trend, a concerning one...really concerning.  The momtag.  Not sure who made the momtag popular, probably mom-blogs or mom-twitters.

They're ruining it for everybody though, because they don't fall into promotional, comedy or batshit-fucking-loony categories.  Moms use of hashtags is similar to mom having to play automatic quarterback when you are playing football with your friends.

"Man, guys...this game would be so much better if we had someone to play quarterback."

"I'll be your QB! #peytonmomming"

Having your mom play football with you is like seeing a Viagra commercial at grandma's house...and grandma's ears perk up.  It's like having a nice, greasy hamburger and washing it down with a Capri-Sun.  It's like having the wife want some funky-funky time and then this pops its head on the bed:

"CAn I plAY!? #buttsniff"

The momtag is the social media equivalent of when you are at your favorite restaurant and someone at the table next to you shits their pants.  It's the sucker punch of the Facebook and Twittersphere.  Hey, look, cougar mom just updated her facebook status!

Hanging out in the basement all day! #thislaundryaintgonnadoitself

Heading to the gym! #summerwillbeherebeforeweknowit

Just cooked dinner! #realmomsuselard

The momtag is single-handedly messing up social media.  OK...the selfie is actually doing that, but the momtag is a close second, or third...behind the internet comments sections.

Some moms have advanced to multiple momtags:

Can't wait 'til girl's night out FRIDAY! #gno #horny #fathusband #infidelity

Some moms incorporate far too much emotion into their momtag:

I just can't take it anymore. #upset #bonbons #emotionalwreck #cramps #periodpanties

And some moms are just completely in left field and have no idea what the fuck they're doing:

PARTY NIGHT AT SUSIE'S! #I am having a margarita #chevycruze #momsinparis #whereswaldo

Only a select few moms can really hashtag, just like only a few moms can throw a spiral.  If your momtag is the equivalent of a drunk French guy throwing a football...perhaps you should just end your status or tweet with punctuation.

Up next..the dadtag...