Kitty continued her ‘Cougz Gone Wild’ tour, last weekend, in the northern part of the Mitten. She and 10 other 5th grade moms took their 5th grade boys for a weekend of juice boxes, Corona Lights, and games of ‘I’ve got the conch.’
"It’s 9 p.m. Should we feed them?” was rumored to have been uttered.
Places you can't check into: Applebee’s, the Ohio-Pennsylvania border or anywhere Downriver.
“Holy sh!t! Jon’s at Applebee’s in Southgate…he’s livin’ the dream, man.”
I’m not a huge fan of hashtags, although you can say so much with one short phrase, and prefer to use the annoying Emoji, including the phallic-looking eggplant 🍆. My favorite Emoji guys are the man couple with blue and orange shirts and Lego hair 👬. I’m certain that those crazy kids at Apple created this Emoji thing to be inclusive, and I’m also certain that in 99.9% of cases, it is used for 6th grade jokes among grown men. The dancing ballerinas must be a close second 👯.
While Kitty was hanging with the other soccer moms, 12 year old and I hung out in Beer City, Michigan for his soccer tourney. Things I learned this weekend:
1. Soccer moms love to drink
2. Free breakfast is free for a reason
3. If your 12, it’s all about the hotel pool
Sometimes I scroll through the old pictures on my phone. I found this gem.
I have no idea why I have it, perhaps the world was just too loud that day.
I think it's time to start tipping the car wash towel-dry guy $2. I’m kinda on that cusp when I tuck my $1 out the window. Does he think I’m cheap? Shouldn’t I really give more? Do ex-cons even care? How much meth can he actually buy with this?
What’s that disorder called when your tongue keeps flopping out of your face like the old Tom and Jerry cartoon? I think Miley Cyrus has it. If she can just tuck it back into her skull, I would really enjoy watching this train wreck even more.
Stay tuned to Kinky Pickles for more of the standards and in the very near future…drum roll…clench your buttcheeks…the world premiere of…Kitty’s Korner
L8rz,
JMcCan’tStop
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