MSU to Save Ukraine

In an unprecedented move, all 5 ESPN NCAA bracket analysts have picked Michigan State University to win it all.  MSU is coming off a sound thrashing of Big Ten Champions, Michigan, in the Big Ten Championship Game.

 

Kinky Pickles staff contacted Dick Vitale about the unprecedented love for the Aggies of Michigan State College.

 

Isn’t it unusual for you all to pick the same team to win it all?

 

No.

 

Why?

 

Because, Izzo.

 

But he’s like 5’ 2” and doesn’t play.

 

That’s true, but he’s an angry little elf, and that one fella on their team really likes kids.  Izzo invented cold fusion, the internet and created the cure for polio.

 

Impressive. Does the team’s health play a role into the shameless sycophancy?

 

I don’t know what that means.

 

…The man-love for Izzo and the Aggies.

 

Oh, that.  Well, he has firm hands for a little person. 

 

That’s not what I meant.   Why are you sucking up to them, now?

 

Because that one guy is healthy again.  They’re all healthy, and I had this vision, baby, where they were all standing above the rim, and there was a radiant glow behind them, and Izzo had this really long white beard and was in a white speedo and he was ripped, baby…and Moses was on one side and Elijah was on the other and they were all…it was beautiful, baby.

 

Did that make you want to crown them champions without having them play a game?

 

Oh yeah.  I wanted to join them, but I was in my pajamas.  I asked Izzo if I should get him scissors to cut the nets down.  He flexed his little biceps and kissed one of them, then in his scruffy voice he told me, “No, Dicky.  We have to play the games.”  I thought that was awesome. 

 

So is that why you all picked them to win the tournament?

 

No, we picked them because of Izzo’s firm hands, those two guys who are healthy and that one guy who likes kids.  It was an easy pick.

 

So does this affect your relationship with Duke and Coach K?

 

I’m not sure…he won’t return my texts or snapchats.  I think he defriended me, too.

 

Thanks for your time, Dick.

 

No problem, baby.  Hey, tell Coach K I miss him, OK?

 

Sure.

UPDATE:  Malaysia Air Flight 370 rumored to be found in East Lansing.  Experts claim it was drawn there by the pure magnetism of Izzo. (Thanks to tipster Steve).